On Being a Southpaw

Dear Madame L,

I am left-handed and my husband is right-handed. Our son, who entered kindergarten this year, is left-handed like me, and our daughter, who's in the third grade at the same elementary school our son attends, is right-handed. 

Our son's kindergarten teacher just happens to be the same teacher our daughter had, and she adored our daughter. She told me once that my daughter was one of the brightest and overall best students she'd ever had in kindergarten and she expected great things from her. I agreed with her, of course (who doesn't think their children are wonderful and talented and have charmed lives ahead of them!), but I thought even at the time that was a weird thing to say to a parent.

Not as weird as what she said to me last month in a parent-teacher conference about my son, though. She said he's "disappointing in every way, but ... not to worry, because he can't help it. He's a boy, and he's left-handed, so he'll be lucky to have the same success your daughter will have."

I was stunned, and I just said, "Well, thanks for your feedback," and got out of there as fast as I could.  I've been thinking ever since then that I should have responded differently and maybe even should have reported this teacher to the principal.

What do you think, Madame L?

Sincerely,

Not Disappointed In My Son

Dear Not Disappointed,

Kudos to you for recognizing that your son is just fine, and that his teacher may have a problem, for declining to engage her in an argument, and for not dragging the principal into the matter.

Madame L knows a lot of people still hold prejudices against left-handers; even recent "scientific" research into left-handedness seems to state the results in ways that denigrate this trait.

Madame L knows some elementary teachers still hold prejudices against boys, too, sometimes leading to faulty ADD diagnoses and treatments not in the child's best interest.

Madame L hopes you continue to give your son all the love and support he needs. His kindergarten teacher won't be the first adult in his life to treat him according to misunderstanding and prejudice. You can teach him now the self-confidence and positive responses that will help him deal with these people now and through the future.

This article may help you prepare your son for the daily kindergarten experience. 

If you're not already active in your PTA or PTO, please become active. Volunteer to go on field trips, bring treats, all the usual things, for both your son's and your daughter's class. Get to know the teachers by helping put up holiday bulletin boards and so on. 

You may also have an opportunity at some point to speak to your children's principal about how the school addresses the differences in behavior and learning styles between boys and girls. 

Dear Readers, do you have other helpful comments for this letter writer? Please share, and

Best of luck,

Madame L

The Sunday Book Review, December 11, 2011: The Spy Who Came for Christmas

Dear and Gentle Readers,

Madame L has decided that we need a new definition for the word "clunker." This book is not badly written, it isn't decrepit or broken down, it isn't a clunker like an old broken-down car; but it clunks along so predictably from one set scene to the next, from one stereotypical character to another, and from one stock Christmas truism to another that Madame L felt like she could have written it herself.

(See Madame L's comments on other books of the "Christmas Story by Famous Author Whose Publishers Want to Make a Quick Buck" genre. Also, by the way, Madame L withdraws her cynical [even though she said it wasn't cynical] proposal to write a stock Christmas story rip-off.)

First set of clunks: It's Christmas Eve.  And a rogue spy is in Santa Fe (which means "Holy Faith"), New Mexico. And he has just rescued an infant, a baby boy, a child of peace, from some terrorists who want to raise the boy to be a suicide bomber. And the streets are closed to vehicles, and it's snowing.

Second set of clunks: The spy stumbles on a white rose, a Christmas rose, in the snow, as he makes his way into a humble adobe home where a woman and boy are waiting fearfully for the return of their drunken and abusive husband/father. The woman and boy eventually come to trust the spy and help him care for the hungry baby.

Third set of clunks: The spy, one of a trio who have taken the ironic code names of Melchior, Caspar, and Belchior, tells the mom and son a spy's version of the Magi from the traditional Christmas story: The Magi are actually Persian spies, come to suss out Herod's intentions and spread disinformation; and Joseph, the earthly father of the Christ child, is involved in a rebellion against Herod's rule.

Fourth set of clunks: The father, after attending a Society of Friends meeting, returns to the house determined to beg his wife and son for forgiveness. The two bad-guy spies outside the house try to trick him into doing something that will end the lives of his wife and son and the newborn baby, but with the help of the rogue spy he figures it out and helps them instead. One of the bad-guy spies is turned to good, and ... But you can guess the rest, can't you, Dear Reader.

"The Spy Who Came for Christmas" was written by David Morrell, the author of the Rambo novel ("First Blood") that was made into such a famous and profitable movie. 

It's available from Amazon.com, used and new, hard-bound and paperback and in the Kindle edition, for prices starting at $0.01 for a used copy. But don't waste your money. It's as satisfying as any of the other clunkers Madame L has read, but the formula simply doesn't work as long as all the clunks keep drowning out the true Christmas spirit. 

If you want to feel that Christmas spirit, go back to the original story. Jesus is born through a miracle to Mary, both shepherds and wise men worship him, and even the evil conniving of the most wicked people on earth cannot kill him...until he has completed his divine mission and realizes that it's time to give up his own life, for all of us. 

That's the true story, and Madame L hopes we'll all stick to it this Christmas season.

How To Disagree Without Being Disagreeable?

Dear Madame L,

I'm thinking of quitting Facebook! I replied to a political rant on the page of an acquaintance, and he replied by accusing ME of ranting. 

This guy isn't even really a friend: He made a "friend request" a couple of months ago, and I didn't see any reason to block him, since I did know him slightly for a couple of years a long time ago, but his political views are really extreme, borderline racist, and offensive to me; and the way he states them is aggressive and mean at worst and patronizing at best.

I don't want to let him bully me into not expressing my own views, but I also don't want to get into an argument with him that will only cause me more distress.

Please help,

Just Want Everyone to Get Along

Dear Trying to Get Along,

Madame L feels your pain but she does not have an easy answer for this. Madame L knows that you know that some of these kinds of disagreements are caused simply by the fact that when we're not communicating face to face, the nuances, the smiles, the self-deprecating shoulder shrugs, the friendly hand reached out, are missing.

Madame L does think that because we all do know this, we need to try extra hard to tend to each others' feelings in the very words we use.

For example, Madame L recently had a similar experience with someone (in a non-Facebook and non-blog environment), and she replied with words something like this:

"I'm sorry if I've offended you. I hope you'll understand why I don't think what I wrote was a rant. I'd like to mention that the information you were unsure of is available at [and here Madame L added the URL of a website with that information]. I hope we can agree to disagree."

Madame L urges you to take a deep breath before replying to a disagreeable comment. Some people like to argue and don't see it as impeding a relationship, while others feel arguments are friendship breakers. Replying in anger or disgust may just feed the anger or insecurities of the other person, add to your own anger or hurt feelings, and certainly won't resolve any disagreements.

Madame L also suggests that you may want to block your Facebook page from receiving the Wall postings and news feeds from acquaintances whose ideas make you feel uncomfortable. You can do this without their being aware of it.

Madame L has found this interesting article about why some people get angry and hateful when commenting about others' online postings: "What's wrong with angry commenters?"

Another interesting article tells how a person raised in a liberal family came to love his Republican in-laws.

For future reference, here's a funny/sarcastic take on how to handle unwanted friend requests in the first place.

Finally, Madame L hopes to hear from her Dear Readers about how they have resolved these kinds of issues.

Sincerely,

Madame L

The Sunday Book Review, December 4, 2011: The Shepherd, the Angel, and Walter the Christmas Miracle Dog (and Other Christmas Carol Ripoffs)

Dear Gentle Readers,

Ever since unpacking her eight boxes of Christmas decorations and pillows and blankets and books and cards and such from the past eight years, which Madame L did a few days ago, she has been enjoying re-reading some of the Christmas books. Her favorite of all time is, of course, "The Best Christmas Pageant Ever." Even though she thinks "A Christmas Carol" should be her favorite.

What Madame L likes best about these Christmas books is how short they are, so she can read them quickly, have a couple of chuckles, wipe away a tear or two, and get on with Christmas.

One of her other favorites is Dave Barry's "The Shepherd, the Angel, and Walter the Christmas Miracle Dog"  (available from Amazon.com for $11.20), a hilarious and sometimes heartwarming story in which:

---The narrator is a boy who is just figuring out that he likes girls and who lives in a town called Asquont, New York, the name of which he thinks the Indians gave the town just so they could chuckle when they heard the white townsfolk say the name "Asquont";

---The beloved family dog is dying, and eventually dies;

---The kids are in their church's Christmas pageant;

---There's a problem in the church (in this story, possibly because it's written by someone who actually has a child's sense of humor, the problem is bats in the belfry [literally] and a big pile of bat poop that falls on the kids during the Christmas pageant);;

---The dad and mom have some disagreements about how things should be done in life, with the kids, with their school projects, with the Christmas pageant, and pretty much everything else (in other words, they're a normal married couple);

---Walter the Christmas Miracle Dog jumps into the family car just in time to save the feelings of the little girl who especially loved the family dog who died; and

---Walter the Christmas Miracle Dog arrives at the church just in time to save the kids from the big pile of bat poop that falls on the kids (which however he has caused to fall at that particular moment).

Sound familiar? Oh yeah. And, as Madame L has already mentioned, it's cute and enjoyable holiday reading. Not bad at all. 

For instance, it's not as bad as turning on the TV as Madame L did the other night just in time to see Peter Falk dressed up as a saleswoman with a lopsided wig and even more lopsided lipstick giving advice to a young man looking for a Christmas present for some girl he'd just met (or something like that; Madame L confesses she changed the channel so fast she didn't see even the next two minutes of the show).***(See below)

So, what's Madame L's point?

It's this: Madame L and YOU, DEAR AND FAITHFUL READERS, could put our heads together and write a Christmas story just as lovable and humorous and heartwarming as most anything any of us has ever read since "The Christmas Carol" was published in 1843.

Here's what we need: 

---A narrator (first person is funniest, especially if it's a kid);

---The narrator's family and/or best friend and/or girlfriend and/or boyfriend;

---A lot of beliefs (including nostalgic nonsense and childish illusions) about the joy and harmony everyone supposedly experiences at Christmas time;

---At least one character (can be a pet) who is dying, sad, lonely, homeless, in need of help, etc;

---At least one character who doesn't believe in Christmas (who of course will get the Christmas spirit by the end of the story);

---A huge problem that engulfs the characters, shedding doubt on their Christmas beliefs;

---A semi-magical, maybe even a deux-ex-machina, solution to the problem (for example, bat poop falling on the Christmas pageant and an adorable dog saving the kids from being engulfed in it), resulting in:

---Everyone, even the grouchy Christmas-hater, feeling warm and loved, and therefore participating in the joy of the season.

Oh, never fear, Madame L is not being cynical in suggesting that we write such a story. She just thinks we could write a good story, have a fun time doing it, and get into the Christmas spirit.

Ready? Send suggestions to Madame L by commenting or by e-mailing her at [ellemadame {at} gmail.com].

Madame L will be away from her desk for the next few days and won't be able to reply immediately, so she hopes you'll fill up her email and comment box with ideas for her to come home to.

Merry Christmas!

Madame L

***Madame L just looked online for that Peter Falk Christmas story. It's called "When Angels Come to Town." Peter Falk is an angel named Max. 

Madame L made a Mister Yuck face when she read the following quote from the TV movie's promotional materials: 

"As was the case in the earlier A Town Without Christmas and Finding John Christmas, the cagey Max adopts several disguises in the course of his assignment, at one point showing up in drag!"

Herman Cain Drops Out

Dear Madame L,

I just read that Herman Cain has made his big announcement: He's "suspending" his campaign for the Republican presidential nomination.

Since you seem to have an opinion about everything, what do you think about this?

Sincerely,

Don't Really Care About Herman Cain

Dear Don't Really Care,

Thanks for making Madame L's day with that question! Madame L does indeed have an opinion about just about everything under the sun, including Herman Cain.

In Madame L's humble opinion (Madame L will abbreviate this "IMLHO" in future columns), Herman Cain wasn't and isn't actual presidential material. Sexual indiscretions aside, his memory lapses and ridiculous statements were almost in a class with those of Rick Perry. 

Madame L feels sorry for Mrs. Cain but even sorrier for the women who came forward with accusations of sexual improprieties. 

While Madame L doesn't care about, or care for, Herman Cain or any of the current Republican candidates, she does wish the Republican Party would come up with a candidate who is smart, educated, moral, stable, and believable. And not a clown.

Madame L hopes you'll keep praying for our democracy to work, to represent us, to give us good choices between viable candidates to lead our country, our states, and our local governments.

God Bless Us All,

Madame L

Supreme Court Justice

Dear Madame L,

I read your post about the so-called "broccoli test," in which you claim that the liberal-versus-conservative composition of the Supreme Court won't matter for deciding the issue of the health-care law passed by Congress in 2010.

But here's a new one for you: The Supreme Court, by a 6-to-3 majority, recently decided a case against a grandmother, putting her back in jail for a crime she probably didn't commit, apparently just to "teach a lesson" to the liberal Ninth Circuit Court of Appeals, which had thrown out the woman's conviction.

It seems to me that when the highest court of  the land, which is supposed to be impartial, uses outdated medical understanding and picky technicalities to send an innocent person back to prison, and does it in a quiet way to keep from drawing attention to the case, there's something really wrong with that court, and, by extension, with our entire government system.

Really, it reminds me of the situation and advice given in the Book of Mormon:

"And now if ye have judges, and they do not judge you according to the law which has been given, ye can cause that they may be judged of a higher judge. If your higher judges do not judge righteous judgments, ye shall cause that a small number of your lower judges should be gathered together, and they shall judge your higher judges, according to the voice of the people" (Mosiah 29:28-29).

Please enlighten,

Another Dear Reader

Dear Another Dear Reader,

Madame L thanks you for bringing this case to her attention. The article you linked to also details a case in which a man was deceived by police into making a confession which should not have been accepted in court, and being convicted.

The issue of shaken-baby syndrome is being disputed, but, more importantly for our justice system, as you point out, is the fact that the Supreme Court is using such a case as a way to "punish" a lower court instead of to bring justice to a person who is probably innocent. (And who, even if she is not innocent, deserves to have her case decided based on medical evidence, not intra-judicial wrangling.)

Madame L does not have a solution to this issue, except the following recipe: 

1. Vote for officials, including the President of the United States, who have opinions and support policies like those you yourself support. 

2. Let them sit in office long enough for you to see if they are making laws and appointing judges who are righteous and who will uphold justice for all the public.

3. If they're not doing that, throw them out and elect new officials who will uphold the Constitution and the laws of the land.

4. Continue to pray for righteousness to prevail in America.

Sincerely,

Madame L

Restore America?

Dear Madame L,

Per your frequent suggestions, I've been trying to keep up with news on the Republican presidential primary contenders, and I think I've found the one I could vote for: The libertarian Ron Paul.

Ron Paul really seems to oppose big government and the foreign entanglements we've gotten ourselves into over the last 10 years, and I saw in one of his televised speeches that he responded favorably to some "Occupy" protesters, telling them he's on the side of the 99%.

What do you think of his candidacy?

Sincerely,

Informed Voter

Dear Informed Voter,

Madame L commends you for your interest in politics. Madame L believes that ALL of us took a stronger interest in what the politicians are saying and, more importantly, how they are voting, we would have a stronger and more responsive government, a government that would be doing what we, the people, the supposed government itself, want to be done.

Madame L has been fascinated with Ron Paul's supposed populism and his proposals to "restore America." Like you, Madame L likes the idea of our elected officials responding to our actual wishes and needs rather than the desires of big businesses and wealthy campaign donors.

However, Madame L finds Ron Paul's proposals and, more importantly, his actual stances on social policies, disappointing. In fact, this politician has just dressed up the anti-social programs of Ayn Rand philosophy, or so-called libertarianism, in words that appeal to the very people who would be hurt by his proposals.

Because here's the thing: He wants to cut the very programs that benefit the middle class and the poor people of our country. He actually believes these programs are wrong, that he would be doing the country a favor by keeping the poor from "looting" the resources that should be available to others, i.e., the wealthy. 

For example, he would cut $645 billion in Medicaid over four years, as well as food stamps, family support, and child nutrition, because in his libertarian view, society does not function to benefit its weaker, poorer, and/or sicker members.

If you don't believe Madame L, please check out his "Restore America" plan.  This shows that Ron Paul's real desire is to "restore America" to some pre-industrial state of increased wealth for the wealthy and abysmal poverty for the rest of us.

Ron Paul named his son Rand after Ayn Rand, the mentally disturbed, sociopathic, atheist. Ayn Rand believed there is no such thing as the public and there is no social or moral obligation among humans. It was victory to the strongest, and let the poor suffer, as "Nature" intended (see Tennyson's In Memoriam A.H.H.: "...Nature, red in tooth in claw...").

(Note that Madame L does not call Ayn Rand a writer, because although her scribbles were published, she wrote  horribly; and Madame L will never review any of Rand's books on these virtual pages because they are so full of moral and philosophical garbage in addition to being badly written.)

So, even if Madame L agreed with Ron Paul's desire to cut defense spending to end the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan, she would not agree with these proposals of his:

Cut aid to education. (Slash the Department of Education)

Cut government-subsidized housing. (Slash the Department of Housing and Urban Development)

Cut energy programs. (Slash the Department of Energy)

Cut programs to promote commerce and technology. (Slash the Department of Commerce)

Cut support for the environment. (Slash the Environmental Protection Agency)

No more national parks. (Slash the Department of the Interior)

You want a nice park where you can enjoy nature? Take a bath and get a job (to quote another ridiculous and anti-social Republican presidential candidate), make a lot of money, and buy some land of your own where you can enjoy nature.  

You want your children and the other children in your community to have a good education so they can get jobs? Pay for it yourself. Those who can't pay, let them send their children out to start working as young as they can (to quote that same other ridiculous and anti-social Republican, who thinks child labor laws are "stupid"). 

You want to maintain the clean air and water standards we've had for 30 years now, thanks to Nixon's Environmental Protection Act? Tough, because Ron Paul wants to cut drastically the funds going to the Environmental Protection Agency. 

You want our country to make progress in commerce and hold its own against the other nations of the world? Madame L has no idea how Ron Paul would propose to do that, but she assumes it would involve slashing social programs and providing further entitlements to the wealthy.

Madame L thinks Ron Paul is trying to pull the wool over our eyes. He doesn't care about the 99%. His proposals are based on immoral and unjust and anti-Christian principles, and they would benefit no one but other people like himself --- and the 1%.

If you want to find a Republican candidate who really stands up for the little guy, check out Buddy Roemer. Don't know who he is? That's because he hasn't been allowed into any of the televised debates, and that's because he hasn't been getting any donations from big business and wealthy individuals like the others, including Ron Paul, have. If you want to help him get into a debate, he'd love to have your help. 

(Full disclosure: Madame L does not support Buddy Roemer, hasn't donated and won't be donating any money to his campaign, and will not vote for him, ever. But she likes the way he tells the truth, including pointing out the lies of his opponents, including pointing out that Newt Gingrich, the aforementioned ridiculous and anti-social candidate and current front-runner, has accepted millions of dollars to lobby on behalf of the 1%, and including distancing himself from the libertarian ideas of Ron Paul.)

Sincerely,

Madame L