Dealing with Nosy Gossips

Dear Madame L,

Some people in my family aren't exactly fitting into the exact mold that some other people in my family think everyone should be like. The "other people" sometimes ask me questions about the "some people," as if they're just lovingly concerned for all of us, but I suspect the "other people" are not really as sympathetic as they want to appear to be; in fact, I know that they gossip among themselves about me, the "some people," and all kinds of family issues. I love these "other people" dearly, but I want to protect my "some people," who depend on my love and loyalty.

How can I answer the snoopy, gossipy questions without betraying my "some people" while still maintaining harmony with the "other people"?

(Yes, I know this sounds very vague. I'm making it vague so that instead of answering my very specific question about my very specific family problem, you'll see this as a chance to answer a question which, I happen to know, a lot of families are asking themselves.)

Sincerely,

Tired of Nosy Gossips

Dear Tired of Gossips,

Madame L thanks you for asking your question in such a general way. Madame L knows a lot of "some people" and their family members who are faced with this dilemma. 

Madame L has a very simple solution to offer, which she will phrase in the form of some questions:

Why do you care about what the "other people" think? Why do you feel it necessary to maintain harmony with the "other people" kind of people, the people who ask about things that are none of their business and then gossip about those things?  Who matters to you more: your "some people," or the "other people"?

Madame L suggests that harmony with those "other people" --- and with any people who snoop and gossip --- is not at all important. Madame L suspects that people who are dense or snoopy enough to probe into your family's private affairs are doing a little social engineering, knowing that you're a kind hearted soul who doesn't want to hurt their feelings, while they themselves don't give a flaming flarg about your feelings.

So, here are some sample responses to their questions:

'I'm so glad to hear you're interested in my "some people." I bet they would love to hear from you. Would you like to ask them those questions yourself?'

'I know you'll understand when I say that I just hate to talk about people behind their backs. Please give my "some people" a call.'

'Oh, my "some people" are doing fine. They're going through the usual growing-up, just like we've all done. Now, how are YOUR "some people" doing?'

'You know, I feel so uncomfortable answering that question.' (Then pause for as long as it takes for the "other people" to get it.

Dear Readers, if you have any other suggestions for "Tired," please feel free to share them with all of us.

Sincerely,

Madame L

The Sunday Book Review, October 30, 2011: Myths to Live By

Madame L hasn't finished reading Joseph Campbell's "Myths to Live By" yet, and will probably not finish it for some time, because it is so packed with information and ideas to think about; she hopes that you, Dear Readers, will not take offense at her attempt to review the book before completing it. 

It's a compilation of 13 of the 25 lectures given by Joseph Campbell at The Cooper Union Forum between 1958 and 1971; and a fine introduction to Campbell's conclusions about rites and myths from cultures all over the world. 

It weighs in at less than 300 pages and less than a pound, but covers the impact of science on myth; the importance of rites; mythologies of love, war, and peace; yoga and Buddhism; Eastern vs. Western religious beliefs and practices; schizophrenia (an inward journey); and humankind's first walk on the moon (the outward journey).

Madame L has started reading the book from the beginning, but also finds it enlightening to open randomly to read about Native American myths, Sufi poets, German psychologists, the Buddha, Dante and his Beatrice, prophets and heroes of the Old and New Testaments, LSD experiments, ancient Roman architecture, and so on. You get the picture.

"Myths to Live By" is available in paperback from Amazon.com for $10.88.

The Sunday Book Review, October 23, 2011: A Christmas Carol

Dear Readers and Friends,

Madame L wants to remind her readers and in particular a dear friend who keeps complaining about Christmas in October that the great writer Charles Dickens was writing about scarier-than-Halloween hauntings on Christmas Eve.

That same friend also loves to rattle on at length about how she doesn't like Mr. Dickens "...because he was paid by the word."

(Ah, if only Madame L were paid by the word. Or paid by the anything.)

Madame L understands that her friend was raised in the era of Hemingway, a writer who elevated terseness to the level of holy writ of high-school English classes; and, Madame L must add, the fact that her friend has not read a lick of Mr. Dickens since high school does not recommend her to Madame L or to anyone.

Where was Madame L? Ah, extolling a very short book (especially for Charles Dickens), "A Christmas Carol," a copy of which Madame L will put in her friend's hands this week.

This is one of the most touching Christmas stories Madame L has ever read, and she loves the details. Wordy as they may be, they are absolutely necessary for showing---and making believable---the huge change Scrooge goes through, from a selfish and self-involved miser to a humanitarian. In fact, one may think that Mr. Dickens had read one of those ubiquitous books on how to write a novel, or a screenplay, because he has created one of the few characters in all of English literature who goes through the whole five steps of humanity from caring only for himself to caring for everyone. (Or one may think that those ubiquitous books on how to write took some tips from Mr. Dickens.)

Dear Readers, if you want to get in the Christmas spirit, you may want to read (or re-read, and Madame L promises you the book will be better this time because you're reading it on your own instead of reading it for some old English class assignment) "A Christmas Carol." 

One quick excerpt: When Scrooge complains to the first ghost about self-proclaimed but hypocritical Christians, the ghost responds: 

"There are some upon this earth of yours...who lay claim to know us, and who do their deeds of passion, pride, ill will, hatred, envy, bigotry, and selfishness in our name, who are as strange to us and all our kith and kin, as if they had never lived. Remember that, and charge their doings on themselves, not us."

Don't Talk to Cops!

First, a law professor tells you why:

Then, a police officer confirms that everything the law professor said was true:

The Sunday Book Review, October 16, 2011: Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog AND Book

Wait, Madame L,

Is it a book or a blog or a DVD?

Dear Readers,

It's all three, and Madame L thinks you'll love the DVD movie of Dr. Horrible's blog as well as the book. The DVD is absolutely hilarious, and the book has stills from the movie, comments from the writers and actors, a "Horrible Haiku" by Nathan Fillion, and the words and music to all the songs. The DVD is available from Amazon.com for $8.99 and the book for $13.57. Madame L enjoyed the DVD so much she got the book, too.

Neil Patrick Harris is Dr. Horrible, and the great Nathan Fillion is Captain Hammer. Penny is a sweet girl collecting signatures on a petition for the city to make a homeless shelter out of an old building instead of demolishing it. 

The DVD includes more than 40 minutes of additional material, so even if you've watched Dr. Horrible's Blog online, you'll still have lots of fun watching the DVD. The book is essentially the print version of "additional material." 

Joss Whedon is the perpetrator of all this fun. Enjoy!

9-9-9: It's Simple!

Dear Madame L,

I watched the Republican presidential candidates' debate the other night, and I was impressed that out of all of those candidates, only Herman Cain had an actual proposal for adding funds to the U.S. budget. 

His 9-9-9 proposal seems fair and simple, with everyone paying the exact same taxes.

What do you think?

Sincerely,

Can't Say No to 9-9-9

Dear No, No, No,

Republican presidential candidate Herman Cain's 9-9-9 tax reform proposal is indeed simple, as he keeps saying. He proposes that every American would pay "only" 9% income tax, a 9% national sales tax, and
a 9% corporate income tax.

This is how simple it really is: The poor, the working poor, the middle class, in fact, the 99% of us who are not wealthy will end up paying more taxes than ever before, while the 1%, the wealthy, will pay less. 

Another thing Cain neglects to mention in debates and in his stump speeches is that his plan would eliminate Social Security and Medicare.

Would you vote for this man? Madame L is trying to imagine a situation in which she would vote for Cain, and she simply can't.

Here's an analysis of the proposal by NBC News reporter Domenico Montanaro, based on a report from the non-partisan Tax Policy Center. 

The plan would create a "much more regressive tax system," according to the center. People at the top would go from about a 35% income tax rate to 9%, a 26% tax cut, while those who currently don't pay federal income tax would have a huge increase, from 0% to 9%. 

A further analysis of Cain's assertion that a family earning $50,000 per year would pay less income tax under his plan reveals that he's way off.  In fact, this hypothetical family with two children, using standard deductions, would have paid about $775 under the 2010 IRS tax rules. This same family under Cain's plan would pay, according to him, "only" $4,500.

The 9% federal sales tax would be in addition to state and local sales taxes, so people in Washington State, for instance, would pay their usual 8% sales tax plus the federal 9%, adding up to a 17% tax increase. This is a bigger cut from the spending money of poor people, too.

And, as for the 9% corporate tax: This would seem like a cruel joke, except Madame L is not laughing. This would amount to another huge cut for the richest Americans, essentially lowering their theoretical and actual tax burden significantly.

No, no, no, please, if you want to vote for Herman Cain, please insist that he first get some "better advisers," which he said he will be doing, and some better ideas!

Sincerely, 

Madame L, Already Taxed to the Limit

Corporations Are NOT People

Dear Madame L,

I have another question, or really a comment: I think I get it about the Occupy Wall Street protesters. 

I think they are all, in different ways, objecting to the way power and economic opportunities are being taken away from real working and middle-class people, while the rich keep getting richer.

For example, as you wrote earlier, people can't pay their mortgages, which bankers encouraged them to take out, knowing they weren't really qualified; they lose their homes, which the banks take back; meanwhile these same people's tax dollars were used to rescue the banks which someone high-up decided were "too big to fail"; but bankers continue to give themselves huge salaries and bonuses, pay less taxes than the rest of us, and pour millions of dollars into campaign funds for elections, effectively buying votes to keep them in their easy chairs. 

What can be done about this?

Sincerely,

Things Need to Change

Dear Change,

Madame L thinks you have hit the nail on the head with your example. Madame L personally is struggling and knows many people who are struggling even harder to make it in our current economy.

Madame L hopes you will write to your Senators and Member of Congress so they will know where you stand.

Maybe you'd also like to join the protesters in your city. If so, some signs you could make:

Corporations are NOT People.

Corporations do NOT Bleed.

Corporations do NOT Suffer Pain, Pay Medical Bills, or Need Nursing Care.

And so on...You get the idea.

Go for it,

Madame L