Celebrating Valentine's Day with my S.O.

Dear Madame L,

Do you have any suggestions for a Valentine's Day gift for my girlfriend?

Sincerely,

Flummoxed





 Dear Flummoxed,

Thanks for your nom de plume! Madame L is going to look up that word and present it in coming days or weeks as her "Weird Word of the Week."

Now, to the issue at hand:

Madame L has absolutely NO IDEA of what you should get for your girlfriend to celebrate this romantic holiday....

Except this: If you don't know her well enough by now to have an idea of what she might like, you are in deep kimchi.

If you're thinking of lingerie for her, which Madame L sincerely hopes you are NOT, since she's only your girlfriend, not your wife, Madame L suggests this wonderful "Lingerie buying guide for Valentine's Day" column, by one of Madame L's all-time favorite columnists, Gentleman Scholar Troy Patterson.  Madame L loves the way that Mr. Patterson includes arcane literary information about Chaucer's "Parliament of Fowls" and an interesting factoid about the Royal Mail.

Please note that Mr. Patterson admits toward the end of his detailed answer that his questioner is "a rhetorical device of [his] own invention."

Thus, Dear Readers, you will not be surprised, if you ever were, when Madame L invents her own "rhetorical devices," including questioners and their questions.

Happy Valentine's Day,

Madame L